Dearest Reader,

I was at a Diwali potluck at a friend’s house a few days ago. Picture jasmine-scented candles, marigold garlands, a makeshift mandir, bright-colored clothing, game cards, and a table of sumptuous ghee-laden food (which I love, occasionally).

That’s not all there was.

The living room also had a corner table for gifts—occupied by a tower of 10 sweet boxes (mostly Soan Papdi) piling up atop one another. After everyone had their share of beer, we joked about the sweets, unanimously agreeing to call it the diabetes table.

Gift-giving (in India, especially) has a predictable pattern. Say a loud yes, if the rubric looks like this:

• If you are going to see older people, you will get a basket of fruits (because who can go wrong with fruits)
• If you see peers, it’s almost always a box of sweets (because that’s what you got too; so revenge?)
• And if you are visiting a family, typically you buy fancy chocolates for the kids (or anything else because Indian kids are trained not to complain in front of guests)

However, gifting culture/etiquette is not something we are ‘taught’ growing up and you just have to 'figure it out' as an adult.

This holiday spell, I’ve been grappling with the gift-giving conundrum again: How do we give meaningful gifts in a world where people have everything?​
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More so because our small Indian Immigrant community in the US seems to have the ability to buy everything anyway. Expensive chocolates, imported wine, or anything opulent is something all folks can get their hands on, thanks to increased purchasing power (and Amazon!).
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​So I keep wondering: what could be so special that doesn't seem like a make-do last-minute gift, and won’t get passed around until it expires?

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Why is it intentional gifting important

A lot of gifting (today) is rooted in consumerist excess. We all know a family of two cannot possibly consume 10 sweet boxes, and if they are health conscious (they will be blaming you for the excess sugar, haha).
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The sea of possible gift options (think candles, bath bombs, and home decor items) has made gifting extremely commoditized. Even though gifting is now more convenient, gifts seem to have lost that personal touch altogether.

We seemed to have moved away from the core reason for gifting: strengthening human bonds. A lot of us consider it obligatory or merely a reciprocation of last year's exchange. This is also the paradox of gift-giving. Also, according to a 2020 survey, 3 in 5 Americans have lied about liking a gift they’ve received.

Clearly, it takes away from the joy rooted in the idea of gifts. So how can we truly offer presents that help us show genuine love and gratitude?

In my opinion, for a lot of people, the effort and intention behind a gift will matter more than the gift itself. I’d suggest considering offering experiences over tangible gifts any day. You already know that nobody had a great story from buying cookies at the store, but the homemade batch of cookies that you glazed with the recipient’s name? That is memorable
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With that out of the way, let’s explore swoon-worthy gift options!

Gift Suggestions That Aren’t Sweet Boxes

Quick reminder that this isn’t an exhaustive list but it will nudge you to be thoughtful about your gifts. Are you ready to impress folks with your gifting chops? Let’s unwrap!

1. Consider donating to a charity of their choice or one that supports the issues they consider close to their heart. You can do this in the person’s name and acknowledge their donation with a receipt. I can tell you that this makes everyone feel good, and at the end of the day, someone will truly benefit from this gift.
2. If you like to cook or bake, I’d recommend putting in the time to come up with their favorite dish. This could be a gluten-free cake or that mutton roast that they miss from their favorite Indian restaurant back home.
3. For folks who are rather adventurous, you can consider purchasing tickets for a theme park, or a concert; anything that tickles their adrenaline. It’d be a cherry on the cake if you folks could do this together.
4. You can also go simple and easy, and book a painting, pottery, or a writing workshop together. Most folks love to do things together rather than alone, and this makes for a nice activity during the holiday season. (You can pair this up with a good wine before the class, hehe)
5. Design a voucher for something you can do for your friend! You can include things like ‘Take care of your Pet While You Are Away’ or ‘Double Date at my Place’ or something that’d be meaningful for them. For fun, you can also add terms and conditions like: ‘Valid within 6 months of issue’, or ‘Babysit my pet too when I am away’
6. For music lovers, you can curate a combined playlist with (yours &) their favorite singers and artists on Apple Music or Spotify. Similarly, for movie-buffs, invite them for a movie weekend marathon at your house, and serve it up with popcorn, pizza, and beer! This cannot go wrong!
7. If the person you have in mind likes crosswords or quizzes, why not make them one? Brainstorm memories particular to them (pet peeves, proud moments, stories they tell repeatedly) with fellow friends or family members, then turn them into a quiz. I promise this will be entertaining even on the day of the occasion

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Yay! I hope that some of these ideas work with you and your loved ones.

I am also looking to up my gifting game, so hit reply and share the gift ideas that you have appreciated receiving or are proud of giving. Remember that a meaningful and intentional gift will always hit the home run, and bring joy to the giver and receiver.

Sending joy and festive vibes your way!

And that’s all for today.

See you in two weeks!
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P.S. - I also do Ask-Me-Anything Fridays on Linkedin, so join me there if you have questions in the future!

Fun Corners of the Internet

• Need to make a difficult decision but don’t want to rely only on pros and cons, or gut hunch. In this video, Gokul Rajaram talks about a framework for making hard choices, especially in an organization
• Deep dive into the current affairs in the Middle East, with this primer on Hezbollah of Lebanon.

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